Got to the campsite, after an unexpected detour due to taking a wrong turn, to pitch our tents just in time for the snow to fall. Caring not a jot, of we head to the hall for a welcome cuppa followed by a more welcome beer. The beer delivery guys left a huge message for us pinned on the wall saying “ YOU’RE ALL MAD!!!” No one disagreed. Was surprised by the amount of people that actually made it over the weekend, as was Orkney B.C President, Bruce who said he was getting a bit worried about turnout. Ends up that 150 got there with only 80-ish no shows.

Friday evening started with a disco followed by Shoot the Piper, local ceilidh band, that soon had people up on the floor whooping and whooing to their hearts content! At about 2am ploughed our way through the snow to our tent – read igloo – that was coming off second best to the howling wind, and snuggled down in cosy sleeping bags. Morning came with a blue-sky and fluffy white storm clouds overhead where in fact a tent should have been. First time I noticed something was wrong was when I noticed my sock floating past me. Everything soaked, tent shredded, very bad mood because of having to put on wet clothes….oh bugger!!!

Luckily the club had put on a bus for anyone wanting to go to Kirkwall for the day, so we shoved everything into carrier bags and headed for the launderette, en route stopped at camping shop and bought the last tent in the shop. Looks like we weren’t the only ones who went tents up though, saw another couple of folk with new tents. Met nice lady in launderette who let us leave our shopping while our clothes dried. Went for a fatboy breakfast and then spent rest of afternoon in the Torvhaug pub with the best metal juke box in Kirkwall, bit worrying about all the weapons on the ceiling, make for an excellent bar brawl.

Bus came back at 5.30pm by which time everyone was half pissed already and headed back to site to pitch tent no. 2. Quick bite to eat then down to more serious drinking, can recommend local beer Scapa Special, other old favourites were there, Skullsplitter and Dark Isle. Evenings entertainment started off with the return of The Birsay Boys from last year, good to see the old fella on bass, nice change from coloured wig to flashing, coloured glasses!!! Good start to a cracking evening.

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Next on was The Tribe who put out tunes from the likes of Travis, Beatles, Green Day and Simon and Garfunkel, etc. During the break the awards were handed out: (List a bit hard to make out so apologies for any duff info – blame Bruce’s writing) Furthest Travelled Male - Uncle Bastard – 791 (?) Furthest Travelled Female(s) - Jen Gashel and J. Doyle – Bullshit MCC – 550 Furthest Travelled Club – Shot to Bits – 3017 Best Club Turnout – Team MCC Best Classic – Robbie Begg’s GSXR 1100 Best Streetfighter – John O’Hara’s Harris Best Custom – Lee Jackson’s Z650 (smart!) Best Rat – Puker’s BMW Best Bike – Mike’s CBR600

The best fallover juice in Orkney – cog – was passed around on quite a few occasions, brewed to Bruce’s secret (and very closely guarded) family recipe. This is when I discovered Puker was the shopkeeper in Mister Benn, for everytime the cog came round, Ping! He would magically appear. After much twisty arm and the unexpected arrival of the Spanish Inquisition (nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition) I managed to get the recipe of cog.

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It is as follows: beer (originally home brew), whisky (preferably local), rum (preferably from the local offie) and finally sugar (preferably from the cute next door neighbour), but I lie for there is one other ingredient that no matter how much torture I inflicted Bruce would not tell. He told me that this other ingredient is what makes cog…well…cog! Should anyone find the secret ingredient, first share it with me then combine with other ingredients, heat gently and serve in a 3 handled wooden bucket. Can you buy them in Ikea???

This cracking weekend was concocted, starting in October, with only 8 or 9 members that make up the club, well done and three huzzars for good measure, outdone yourselves in exceptional circumstances. As for the people that attended you should all get rally badges with oak leaves, or as Bruce said – every person there deserved an award for getting there in the first place and making it one to remember. Special congrats to Gaz and Mo who got married on the Friday – what a wedding night (hee hee!!) THE END…

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…BUT NO!!…heading home on the A9, one mile from the turnoff for the A86, my chain decides to part company with my bike. Phoned recovery only to find missold policy does recovery in 10 mile radius only. What the feck good is that??? They tried to charge us £200 to take us and the bike home. and to top it off, my rally badge went AWOL (any chance of another one??? grovel grovel)

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Following a five hour rest at the side of the road and pity being bestowed upon us by the woman across the road who kept sending coffee and cheese pieces and letting us use her toilet, we were picked up by Janette, Marty and Tam, who drove over 100 miles to rescue us – most appreciated guys!! What a rally – hope to see you all there next year in better weather, but we’ll be there even if it’s not! Words & Pics by Jay, addtional pics (*) by "Wallace" Rab

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